Sexual Outsiders by David M. Ortmann

Author:David M. Ortmann
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Tags: undefined
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Published: 2012-12-07T05:00:00+00:00

Lessons Learned

If you are a kinky person, or love someone who is kinky, and are concerned about whether or not he or she should be engaging in this kind of play, then we hope the above set of questions and ideas give you a starting point in your discussions and discernments. Lack of consent and the mismanagement of consent, lack of technical skills and safety practices when doing complex scenes or using toys/tools with a potential for dangerous consequences, unexamined or unconscious anger and shame, the presence of drugs/alcohol in play, and being left alone or practicing play alone—these are the most obvious signs that BDSM presents a higher risk than it should.

All of these possible indicators of higher risk can be addressed and even alleviated by active involvement in the BDSM community. We again come back to one of our main messages, “You are not alone.” Healthy BDSM behavior is much more likely when a person is connected and integrated into the organized BDSM community. It is here that a person can learn how to manage consent, learn technical skills, and figure out how to address the internalized shame and anger that arises from having to deal with stigma and the threat of rejection. It is in community that we can avoid the dangers of playing alone, or making sure that alcohol or drugs are not impairing our judgment in a scene (many organized play spaces and dungeons, and events or parties, have dungeon monitors who enforce rules against playing while impaired).

If you make the rollercoaster too safe, it might as well be a merry-go-round.

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